My little secret

Wow. Just writing that in the title made my heart flutter. I don't plan on publishing this for a very long time but I do want to write it now while its all fresh. No, I'm not pregnant, lol. Today (October 22, 2010) I called the Chapel Hill Tubal Reversal Center in Chapel Hill, North Carolina and scheduled my reversal. I have read a lot about this center through online message boards and forums. According to their 2009 statistics 90% of their patients that were under 30 years old and had the same tubal ligation procedure done as me were able to get pregnant after their reversal. I can't believe I am doing this! The date is set (December 20, 2010), surgery paid for ($6,000 *gasp*), and airline tickets bought. The date is perfect. I already took vacation December 20-25 so all I need to do was ask for one extra day of vacation since I am working in dispatch. I am able to sit all day at work and wear comfy clothing so I can return to work after one week. If I was on the road I imagine I would need at least three weeks off.

I hope the surgery works not only because Chris and I have been strongly considering a Baby Grew #3, but I have been having a lot of PTLS symptoms (Post Tubal Ligation Syndrome). A lot of doctors don't recognize this as a real occurance, but I am promise you I am experiencing it first hand. If you want to know more about PTLS feel free to google away. I have headaches and even vomiting the day before my period starts, oily hair, extremely tired during periods, severe cramping off and on all month long, heavy periods.... to name a few. All of this is nothing like what I used to experience.

The thought of another baby is both exciting as well as overwhelming. I am not the type of girl that likes pregnancy for the most part and am pretty miserable the entire time. Also, I really enjoy sleep so the newborn phase is not my favorite. I love my boys so much and they are so wonderful that my heart swells at the thought of another little person just like them in my life. Carsyn isn't quite two and a half yet and Alec is only eight months but they are already like best friends and are always playing together. The thought of another sibling for them is just so awesome. Chris and I have decided that we are going to go ahead with the surgery and if its meant to be we will have another Grew Baby. If it isn't meant to be we are already truly blessed and have nothing to be disappointed about. Surgery is scheduled for December but we don't have any interest in starting to try to conceive right away. We have a trip to Mexico in April that I have every intention of enjoying a few cocktails on!!

When I first started to regret my Tubal Ligation procedure and think about another baby we first looked into adoption and then IVF. I won't lie I am terrified of getting put under and having my body cut open. I am a big baby when it comes to pain. The truth is I can't imagine buying a $12,500 lottery ticket (which would be IVF) for one shot at it working. I don't think I could be ok with being told I wasn't pregnant in that situation. They have "insurance" programs that give you 3-6 attempts for a set amount (like $22,000) and if you don't take a baby home from the hospital they give you all or a percentage of that back. The issue is it doesn't cover medication which can be $4-7,000 each try. So if you succeeded on try #6 it could end up costing you $64,000!! Or if it didn't work you are still out $30,000 in medication. I really feel for the women who go through this procedure to have their babies. If I wasn't able to have my boys I would have no problem paying that. Its just hard to do it now that I have two kids. I have to consider how that much money could affect them when there is a much cheaper option out there for me. To top that off if it does work there is a 40% chance of twins. I don't think I could handle that.

Well, just wanted to share my excitement over my scheduled surgery!! I will be sure to write more about this later. Please understand why these won't get posted for quite some time. We want to keep this between us for awhile.

UPDATE: Surgery went great in December. The doctor said my tube lengths are 9 cm and 8 cm (they start at 10) so I didn't lose very much of my tubes. He said he didn't see any scar tissue so believes I have a great chance of having another baby. We haven't started trying yet but feel brave enough to share this information now (April 12th, 2011)